To that end, most of us develop our own unique masturbation techniques as we organically and literally feel our way through the process. Do women gently touch themselves as they lay sprawled across the silkiest of satin sheets, a wind machine blowing their perfectly coiffed locks of luxurious hair as a hand daintily pleases her carefully groomed lady parts, lip gloss coated lips parted just so? Because I once tried grinding myself up against a pillow in order to bring myself to climax, and when I told a girlfriend of mine about it her response was, "Becca, that's nothing. I once wrapped a stale pizza crust in saran wrap and went to town. Remembering that story got me wondering whether other gals out there are as strange as I think I am So I asked a group of women whose identities shall remain anonymous to share what they believe to be their most unusual masturbation techniques, and man, oh man, did they deliver. Not pizza, though. Just stories. The post was only about 2 feet high and the ball on the post was quite small, and I remember using that. It just made me feel kind of numb and sore down there.


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2. And A Vlasic
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Yeah I used that. I poured most of the water out the slipped it up inside the bag, the way it wiggled felt unreal. I would take in the shower and use it with the showerhead. That makes it sound like I masturbated with bubbles. Hold on. It was one of these. I used it like a dildo and the shower head like a vibrator. I only got to do it once though because I busted him open. I was cleaning up that weird foam filler for weeks. I heard losing my virginity would hurt so I tried to pop my own cherry with a toothbrush before I had actual sex.
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When I was 7 or 8, I hoisted myself into a tree and accidentally gave myself an orgasm. I only know that it made complete sense. I went at it with un-self-conscious zeal for a year or so, until I realized that it was kind of unusual and normalized my behavior by switching over to a more boring method. Whenever I tell friends and colleagues about my original method, it elicits eyebrow raises and embarrassed chuckles.
Here's a stock photo we found of a women simulating an orgasm. All photos via Shuttershock. Girls may not talk about masturbation as openly as guys, but that doesn't mean we don't enjoy rubbing one out every now and then. In fact, all it means is that we don't feel everyone at the bar needs to know the minutiae of how "fucking cracking last night's hand shandy" was, so we keep it to ourselves, or talk about it in groups that don't contain 25 colleagues and Jake from accounting's weird friend Quentin. Of course, all that reticence means you end up only discussing this kind of stuff with a relatively small circle of wankers.